Saturday, July 18, 2009

Southerner Speak

Southern women appreciate their natural assets:

Clean skin...A winning smile...That unforgettable Southern drawl.

Southern women know their manners:

"Yes, ma'am.""Yes, sir.""Why, no, Billy!"

Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions :"

"Y'all come back!""Well, bless your heart.""Drop by when you can.""How's your Momma?"

Southern women know their summer weather report:

HumidityHumidityHumidity…or:
108 degrees
117 degrees, no rain in forecast

Southern women know their vacation spots:

The beach...The rivuh...The crick...The Riviera

Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:

Colorful hi-heel sandals...Strapless sun dresses...Iced sweet tea with mint

Southern women know everybody's first name:

Honey...Darlin'...Shugah...Bud

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:

Fried Green Tomatoes...Driving Miss Daisy...Steel Magnolias...Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:

Baptist...Methodist...Baseball...Basketball...Football...Huntin'

Southern women know their country breakfasts:

Red-eye gravy...Grits...Eggs...Country ham...Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:

Chawl'stn... S'vanah...Foat Wuth...N'awlins...Addlanna

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:

Men in uniform...Men in tuxedos...Men in Wranglers, Stetsons, and boots...Rhett Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate:

The Mall...The Country Club...The Beauty Salon...Neiman Marcus

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:

Having bad hair and nails...Having bad manners...Cooking bad food

More Suthen-ism's:

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table...

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece.." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ...... and when we're "in line,"... we talk to everybody!

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ... and go your own way.

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southerneese as a second language!

And for those who are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah!

Now...... Shugah, share this with someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been!

And if you're a Northern transplant, bless your little pea picken heart, it’s okay to fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could!

15 comments:

♥ Braja said...

Oh my, Miss Janie, I do believe I'm a suth'ner :)

Beth said...

Braja just made me laugh! I love being a suth'ner!

Joanie M said...

I Love it!!

Whenever John talks about being stationed in Fort Bragg, NC and Fort Benning, Ga, he does so with a Suth'n accent and 2 different ones at that!

Chatelaine said...

My Captain is going to love this :)

... Paige said...

Why yes indeedy. I did get here just as fast as my one and half year old legs would bring me.
And it’s just so lovely that y'all did all this for the betterment of all society everwhere.

Paige Lacey said...

Bless *your* heart for posting this. I'm a Florida Cracker by birth, myself, and wouldn't give up my southerness for all the sweet tea in the South!

i beati said...

me on every count ahahah

Elisa said...

This is the most charming post I have read in a really long time, and now I feel like visiting the South!!

I'm going to link to this post from the July Cool Finds of the Month!

Gretchen said...

I'm pure Northern girl. Born and bred. Tried the Southern Belle bit for a while, but my heart can never beat Dixie. :)

Suzy said...

What's red eye gravy?

larshannon said...

Bless your heart! Guilty as charged.

scotte said...

What is Red Eye Gravy?????? Well, Suzy its the flour gravy every Southerner guy or gal can cook for homemade biscuits. It starts with bacon or sausauge grease, (vegatable oil will not do) preferably in a cast iron skillet.
Now you take a pinch ( handful) of flour and cook it in the grease till it browns thru and thru. ( Otherwise you are making what my momma called raw gravy or paste)
Once the flower has browned you can add milk. Not 1% either. Real Sweet Milk (buttermilk is for the biscuits) and stir , cooking to the desired consistancy. You can add cooked sausage to make the sausage gravy that Janie alluded to.

scotte said...

Crap!!! Now i am hungry

midlife slices said...

Once you've gone South....you'll never go back. It doesn't rhyme but it's true!!

Fragrant Liar said...

I'm from Arizona, but Mama's from Texas, and I knew every one of those southernisms! I guess I didn't fall far from the tree, huh? :)