Monday, February 9, 2009

Fifty-Fifty Split

The Little Brother and his siblings came to spend the night on Friday. The Bowling For Kids Sake (a Big Brothers Big Sisters fundraiser) took place Saturday, and a sleepover sounded fun. Before the kids arrived, I decided I'd better go to the grocery store to stock them up on goodies. My friend Cherie was with me, so to the store we go.

We’re on the far east side of the store, when Cherie says, “Oh, no!”. I turn around, “What’s wrong?”

A young girl has passed Cherie, and though I don’t think she yet knows it, said girl is in quite the bind. Cherie says, “What do we do? We’ve got to stop her!” Janie to the rescue. I shove the cart at Cherie, and start fast walking behind troubled chick, trying to catch her without drawing any attention. Midway, I turn around to Cherie, and say, “Why don't I ever have my camera?”

Now, this girl is no small chick, and she’s got long legs to boot. She’s got on a knee length denim skirt, a long t-shirt, and flip flops. I can’t catch her. She’s talking on her phone, and her hands are full of merchandise. Doesn’t slow her down a bit. I finally catch up to her, on the west end of the store. She turns down the ice cream aisle. Right behind her is a family with two boys and the daddy. They’re looking at the eggs, thank God. I’ve got to catch her.

“Ma’am! Ma’am!” I quietly speak. She finally hears me, and looks at me. “You need to turn around. You’ve got a problem.” She says, “I’m on the phone.” Duh, right. Me: “I know. Ma’am, you need to turn around right now before you really get embarrassed. You’ve split your skirt, and ...ummm, as you know, you...ummmmm, aren’t wearing any underwear.”

She gets off the phone and freaks out. “How bad is it?” Me: “Well, it's split right down the middle, and if your hem and your waistband give, you’re going to be totally naked from the waist down, so I’d say on a scale from 1-10 you’re at a 9.999.” I take her things from her, and tell her to turn the skirt around where the slit is up the thigh. By this time, Cherie's caught up to us. We find a shopping bag to help cover the rest. She’s totally embarrassed, but Cherie and I reassure her that no one saw but us. We part ways and resume our shopping.

Man. It’s never boring around here.

24 comments:

Library girl said...

That is classic! That is also why you never leave the house wearing no underwear lol.

Sunny said...

you're tagged!

Janie said...

Library girl - That's true! Mommy was right!

Sunny - thanks, I'll head over.

Belle said...

Oh Brilliant!

Anonymous said...

You know, what first caught my eye were all her colorful tattoos - they were all over her leg and chest, and it turned out, she was a pretty girl. But man, those snow white buns were something else - No tats there!

We always have a good time when we're out and about don't we - Something always happens!! HA!
Cherie.

Angie Ledbetter said...

Ummm, she didn't feel the breezes at her north pole?

Midlife, menopause, mistakes and random stuff... said...

I have to follow anyone who makes me laugh out right first thing in the morning. Whenever I laugh, my damned bird starts laughing as well.....and won't shut up ;=}

Thanks Sounding Forth....great blog....fantastic post.

Steady On
Reggie Girl

New Girl on Post said...

HOLY CRAP! That's just nuts! I'm so glad you were kind enough to let her know!

Braja said...

Cellphone camera, people. CELLPHONE CAMERA.

DAMMIT.

Coffee with Cathy said...

And even while I'm laughing, I'm sort of glad you didn't have a camera. Not sure if I could handle that on a Monday morning!

♥georgie♥ said...

OMGosh nothing fun like this ever happens to me LMAO!!!

Pam said...

Whew! That Janie girl and Cherie to the rescue! Glad to know you've got my back!

Joanie said...

Hahahaha!!!! Oh my goodness! OK, now go get your camera and put it in your bag right now!

Sandi said...

You are a good woman. It takes guts to tell people things like that. I find myself nervous to tell somebody they have something in their teeth.

La Belette Rouge said...

OMG!!!!! Poor girl and yet so lucky you intervened. The horror. I bet she never goes outside without underwear on again.

Valerie said...

That was hilarious! When you become a Grammy like me you would've had your camera in your purse. lol

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

One more reason for me to consider losing 20 pounds... just in case.... lol

Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

Far Side of Fifty said...

I have heard that lots of the younger generation has given up undies.. LOL. Great post today! :)

The Doozie said...

I saw a lady once at the movie theater with toilet paper on her shoe. I didn't tell her about it because she deserved it, she brought young children to an adult movie and they shrieked all the way through.

bernthis said...

I wish I had been there.

The other Janie said...

Phone as in camera phone?? Don't tell me neither one of you had one of THOSE?!?!

Dang.....do I need to come down there and show you how to pretend you're trying to find a signal, instead of zooming in on the....uhm.....subject? :)

the other Janie....again said...

Oh great, I leave a brilliant comment and then scroll through to see the others and Braja beat me to it. dammit.

Junosmom said...

That cracks me up (no pun intended).

scotte said...

Dang it girl! Your cell phone should at least take a decent picture of priceless events.