Thursday, December 18, 2008

Tired and Discouraged but Here Ya Go

I'm tired. ThatManILove isn't going to be home for Christmas, so hey, I might be heading back up to the PA to be with him. We may be spending the holiday with Vodka Mom and her crew, who knows? (She SO rocks - she said we could! Now, that, people, is the LOVE of blogland!)

Anyway, I was thinking about the man, trying to remember all the funny times we've experienced. Which led me to read past blog stories. Which now leads me to repost this story, first posted April, 2007.

Not too long ago, a man and his wife were in Academy Sports. She was looking for mucker boots, and somehow got separated from her husband. Around the corner he comes, looking very pleased with himself. In his hand? A folding shovel, and a portable toilet seat that is supported by four legs. Amused, yet more than a little mortified, the wife accompanies him to the checkout, places her items on the counter…and quickly exits stage left to loiter at the entrance, leaving him to pay.

Later, they are talking with one of his fishing buddies, and the wife updates the fishing buddy on her husband’s embarrassing purchase. She thought that her husband had purchased the toilet for the camping and river trips the two men take upon occasion. She is quickly corrected by her husband. He informs his wife and his friend that he bought both toilet and shovel to assist him in taking care of "business" during his long work days out in the oilfield. The fishing buddy laughs, and more ribbing ensues.

(Her husband’s good ol’ boy fishing buddies have given him no end of grief concerning his love for the environment, taking care of business, not trashing the camping surroundings, etc. Matter of fact, she says they now call him “Dudley”, the character played by William H. Macy in the movie “Wild Hogs.” She is of the opinion that her husband mistakenly believes he is helping his buddies become a little more citified out there at the fishing camp.)

I know why the husband wants to take this little jewel of a toilet to work. The oilfield is one of those places that has virtually seen no changes after all these years, at least in the area of personal comforts. There is a distinct lack of amenities out there. One can be two hours from the nearest town and no facilities in sight. Guys have it easier than women, yet none differ when that certain need comes upon us.A month or so later, the husband, staying out of town, calls his wife. They go over the happenings of their respective days. He begins to tell her a story.

Husband: “Remember my little camping toilet I purchased at Academy?"

Wife: "Yes."

Husband: "Well, I was putting it to use today. I dug a little hole, situated the toilet, grabbed my book.”

Wife: “Grabbed your book? You are out in the middle of nowhere. Why do guys have to read when this particular body function is going on? Oh, my Lord. Okay, honey, continue…I’m sorry I interrupted you. It’s just that anybody could drive by, at anytime.”

Husband: “As I was saying, I dug my little hole, and settled in. I finished my business, and shifted to put my book on the top of my truck. I thought “Wow, this thing is really sturdy!” and, just to test it, I wiggled on it a bit…

Wife: “Yeah?”

Husband: “I felt it start to give. The legs collapsed on my toilet seat…and I fell. Right into my business.”

Wife: “WHAAAAT? What did you say?”

Husband repeats himself, adding “I had it everywhere. I’m running around with my coat on, my pants around my boots, trying to get everything cleaned up. I had to almost totally undress. And it is coooooold.”

Wife, tears of laughter running down her face, buries her head in the pillow.

Wife: "Where were the little receptacle sacks?"

Husband: "I guess they blew out of my truck, I can't find them. And, anyway, as I was cleaning up, I realized – the pulling unit was only a football field away – and Joe's up in the derrick. I look up, and Joe is staring down at me. He’s seen everything. He waved at me.”

The wife is laughing hysterically, as is the husband.

Wife sputters: “Do you think he’ll still respect you in the morning?”

Story disclaimer: Any content submitted to Sounding Forth via method of voice, written or otherwise may or may not be posted. The acceptance of any particular content is not related to its value or merit. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Any resemblance between Janie, MLH or the persons herein and real persons living or otherwise is purely incidental. And that’s the twuth…


La Belette Rouge said...

I am so sorry to hear that your manlove is not going to be home for Christmas. That sucks! Get some rest.

Mariah said...

So sorry themanyoulove wont be with you for Christmas. That sucks

Simplicity said...

First of all, BOOOOOOOO on him not being around for Christmas. :(

Second, that story is frickin' HILARIOUS!

And third, I answered my questions. You may want to grab a glass of wine. It's a long one!


Braja said...

If you and Vodka Mom are going to spend Xmas together, I'm totally NOT speaking to you again...poooo

Eudea-Mamia said...

I'm speechless. Excellent.

Does "Joe" still respect, um, "him?"

So sorry you guys won't be together for Christmas. But Vodka Mom should be good for a few laughs as well!


jill jill bo bill said...

Those toilets are not called crappy for nuthin' ya know! Get your fanny up to PA and make his Christmas wish a reality. And tell Vodka Mom I love her too. Be careful and have fun! Love ya girl!!!

Ann's Rants said...

Definitely go visit Vodka Mom and tell that man to leave his toilet at home.

Pam said...

Get thee to PA. Use them frequent flier miles, girl! See you BOTH real soon, I hope. We love you all.

The story, of course, breaks me up!

J.P. said...

Maybe he should have tried this .... Uncle Booger's Bumper Dumper ...

I'm debating eating a dried up ham with the inlaws or my lovely bride and I going to see that new movie, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button ... so far with 2 votes the movie is winning ... lol

Sisiggy said...

Well, if you're sure you want to take another stab at air travel so soon after your previous abuse...I'm sure it will all be worth it!

(Soil scientists -- like my husband -- have a similar dilemma when out all day on large tracts of land. As a result, most of them are perpetually constipated.)

Vodka Mom said...

omg I was LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!! I can just picture that. Not that I'm picturing him naked, uh, or anything!!

p.s. We'd LOVE to have you for Christmas!! Any time, heifer, any time!!!! just give me a jingle.

Vodka Mom said...

still laughing.

Vodka Mom said...

okay, Braja, you're invited, too!!!

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

Oh my gosh, that is hilarious and horrible all at the same time. I can only imagine his face when he saw the guy on the derrick watching him! Too funny!

TexasRed said...

Hilarious story! Thanks for pulling this out when things are so crazy for you right now.