Ouch!!

Tuesday at 5 p.m. found me feverishly driving home from the airport, where I had dropped off a co-worker. I ran to the house, changed clothes, loaded Zanna into Latoya the Sequoia, and drove to the dog park. I was trying to beat sundown. I made it! And Zanna found new friends, Winnie the Doberman Pinscher and Riggs the Red Heeler. Here, she's teaching them the game "That Dog Will Hunt."

Here, she's making them play Chase!

Before long, it was dark, and time for Zanna’s Pet Smart beginner training class. We left the park, and headed to Pet Smart. Zanna and I rocked the class, loaded back up, and headed back out to the airport to pick up Young Whippersnapper Salesman at 9 p.m.

I got to the airport a little early, and decided to pull into a parking lot so I might let Zanna out to do her business. As soon as I parked, my phone rang. Then, I took a second to make another call, to Pam and Mike. Pam was snoozing, so I talked to Mike.

(Time out for a related story.)

Earlier in the year when car shopping, I called ThatManILove. He has a severely dented in several places Ford Powerstroke. Big old 4-wheel-drive truck - the oilfield standby. I’m trying to get him to buy a new truck. Here’s how it went down:

Janie: Honey, you’ve got to buy the new Toyota Tundra. It hauls butt, has all the bells and whistles, and it has your name written all over it.

MLH: Why is that?

Janie: It has 360 Sonar.

MLH: What does that mean?

Janie: It’s a warning. It basically means that if you hit something, it’s because you have your head up your a$$ and can’t hear anything.

MLH: (Laughing) I’m hanging up now, you heifer. I haven’t hit anything in forever!

Janie: Just teasing, honey.

MLH: Seriously, the Tundra is good, huh?

Janie: Oh, yeah, baby…it is suhweet and you’ll love it.

(Related story over.)

Back at the airport. While visiting with Mike, my phone rang again, and it was Young Whippersnapper, saying he was waiting by baggage claim. I told him I’d be there in a minute. I put my truck in reverse to start out of the parking lot. (I was safe, I have Bluetooth. And…a reverse camera. And…360 Sonar. All of this will be very important in a minute.) I was backing up, telling him I’d pick him up at baggage claim, and…it sounds like Zanna has started throwing up in the back seat.

On my new, LaToya the Toyota Sequoia, beautiful soft leather gray back seat.

I’m still backing up. Trying to see what Zanna is doing. Not even looking in the rear-view camera. And my sonar isn’t going off.

And I hit a pole. Poor Young Whippersnapper Salesman, I don’t know what all curse words I said, but I’m sure he now thinks I need deliverance. I tell him I’ll be there shortly, switch back to Mike, and put my truck in park to go look at the damage. Now, Mike is hearing the story and finally, I tell him I have to go.

I want to throw up. La Toya the Sequoia has some scratches, and a small ding. Not too bad, and it could certainly have been worse. But still, I just knocked down 2000 miles on LaToya, and she’s already got an owie. And all I can hear is ThatManILove giving me grief once he finds out about it, especially after the afore-mentioned excerpt. He’s been gone so long, he’s not ever even met LaToya, much less driven this beautiful vehicle. And it’s already been through much – a spilled Starbucks Venti Chai, multiple Zanna throwups, and now this. Arrrrrrgh.

I head to the baggage claim, where I pick up Young Whippersnapper. He’s laughing, talking to his wife, about my dilemma. (I should cut his Christmas bonus for that one.) I leave him in the car, while I clean up Zanna’s mess.

We’re driving to the hotel, and Young Whippersnapper starts asking questions.

YW: I thought this car had 360 Sonar. Isn’t that what you harassed MLH about?

Janie: Yup. I guess I had my head up my a$$, because I sure didn’t hear it.

And then, I look at the dash. The light is not on. The Sonar button is turned off.

And my memory goes back to Starbucks – when I was in the drive-through line with the fellow coworker, en route to the airport, I turned it off, because of the incessant beeping when you get close to the pick-up window. And I had not turned it back on.

My bad.

MLH is going to crack up over this one.


(Update as of 8:35 p.m. - I read ThatManILove this post, he laughed until he cried. Then, he told me to tell y'all one thing: "Justice, baby, is served.")


Heifer.