You Gots Male - Buy Now

Do you get spam on your e-mail accounts? We utilize Yahoo, and Lord have mercy. You'd think that Yahoo would have some way of stopping this stuff. By the way, we do not go to porn sites, or visit any sites like are in any way related.  These are some of the subject titles of the spam e-mail we’ve been getting lately. We do not open, just hit delete, but the titles always inspire some smart-alec response (who'da thunk it?) from me. And ThatManILove thinks I'm funny. Who knows? Maybe you will, too.

Have you changed your number? (No. But I’m not giving it to you!)
Posh up and look better! (What – you don’t think I’m posh enough?)
Answer you phone when I ring! (Only if I ken larn you some Ang-lish!)
She moaned when I saw how large I was. (When I look at myself in the mirror, I moan, too.)
Lowered prices for prestigious items. (Well, heck. We’re in a recession – prices should be lower.)
We need your presence. (Dude. Sometimes I need my presence as well.)
Perfectly Crafted Accessories. (Care to elaborate?)
Can’t find you, darling. (I don’t hang out in my virtual mailbox, stupid!)
Don’t disappear now! (I wish I could.)
Unwind your massive python. (We only have rattlesnakes in West Texas. And bull snakes. And I’m not unwinding either of them. You probably shouldn't, either.)
I lost your cell phone number. (That’s probably a good thing.)
Endorsed by men’s magazines. (Seriously? Which ones?)
Give her a mind blowing climax. (Ummmm….I don’t swing that way.)
Small tool is for peeing, big tool is for more serious things. (What were they thinking? Home Depot?)
Why did you leave me? (Because you couldn’t keep your mind out of the gutter?)
This mail is refused message. (Then why did you send it to me again?)
So huge I thought it was a python. (But you were looking in the 7X mirror at the carnival, right?)
We seek for you all the day. (Get some better glasses is all I have to say.)
You probably gave wrong number. (After all this, wouldn’t you?)
Deeper harder thicker. ( Yeah. You are talking about granite countertops, right?)
I need you urgently. (Gonna have to wait in line, homie.)
Don’t go home now. (I have to go home – ThatManILove wants to take me to dinner!)
Can’t you answer when I call? (Not really. Besides, you told me you lost my cell number, remember?)
Make yourself. (Make me! (Oh, wait. That’s not what I meant.))
Growth is so simple with this. (Like I need any freakin’ help in the growth department.)

Arrrgh. These people really need to get a life. Or Yahoo needs to get a better spam filter.

Thank You - Thank You Very Much (In an Elvis Kind of Voice)

When ThatManILove and I left Pennsylvania to come home, we found some relationships hard to leave.

Over a three month period, the employees at the Holiday Inn Express had become a second family to ThatManILove while he was residing in their hotel. I thank God for them every day. How do you express your gratitude in a situation like that, when you know the people that have served you, but you don’t know them well enough to buy them a personal present? We discussed it, and made our decision. Before we left town, we decided to give them each a card, and inside it, a small monetary blessing.

Today, we got a beautiful thank you card in the mail, which in itself was blessing enough, and one we didn't even expect! In the card, each one of them wrote a message and signed the card. Wow! I teared up a little, and then I laughed until I cried.

Here’s what they said.

Your generosity was beyond belief. We thought you might like to know what some of us did with our gifts.
D wrote: I bought a load of wood, took my husband to dinner, and bought us both a hangover for New Year’s Day! Thanks!
R wrote: Thanks for the gift. I got a new windshield. See you soon! Thank You!
A1 wrote: Thanks so much for the card! It helped my infant daughter and I a lot! (She’s a single mom.)
A2 wrote: First month’s rent! Thanks so much for the gift! It really was such a blessing! Take care. (She’s a sweet young lady, going to college, moving from the country into town.)

And then, one that cracked me up:
L wrote: Thank you so much! I used the money for a muzzle for my husband, a gag for my son, and a love seat for the dog! Thanks for the peace and quiet!

I think it's the best thank you card we've ever received. I bet ThatManILove will agree when he sees it.

I Have A FFB!

The ubiquitious and seriously funny Vodka Mom gave me this cool FFB award.  I’m not going to post it, because I found out Little Brother has bookmarked this blog on his PSP.   And I'm going to pretend he's never seen That Word.  But, because it’s Vodka Mom, I’ll play along with the rules and tell you some trivia from my life.  I’ve been doing that all along, however, I’ll try to dig a little deeper.

1.  I learned to sail as a 13 year old, in a tiny lake that was adjacent to a country club in a small West Texas town that is virtually in the desert.  I excelled at it so much that the instructor let me teach for the next two years.  I loved sailing.  I miss that. (We still live in the desert.)
   
2. I met ThatManILove when he walked into a bible study I was hosting.  My first thought when I saw him was “Ooh.  He’d be fun to marry!”.  Seriously.  Who says that kind of stuff?  Later, I figured it had to be divine intervention, because I spent the next two years fighting against that very thing, then finally, said “Yes.”  And you know what? Whomsoever put that original thought in my lame brain was right.on.the.money.  We’ve had So Much Fun and he makes me laugh!
   
3. In high school, I was part of an acapella 4 person ensemble that won 1st in State.  I sang alto. And we rocked.
4. I started shooting sporting clays almost as a dare.  I was asked to help host yet another event, and I determined I wasn’t going to organize such without participating in the sport.  The first time I shot, I broke 57/100 targets, and I was hooked. It wasn’t long  before my score was exceeding the scores of several of my peers...and most of my peers are males.
   
5. I had a female red merle Aussie named Dane when I was pregnant with Elder Son.  She was the light of my life, and had a litter of 2 week old pups when she was unexpectedly killed. My son was due in less than a week, and I was so overwrought my family thought I was going to go into labor early.  Instead, I got a grip and raised 6 puppies to health. After that, I couldn’t give my heart to another dog...until Zack, some 23 years later.
   
6. I bought Zack the Wonderdog as a present for ThatManILove, who immediately went on a spiritual retreat.  While ThatManILove was on that retreat, Zack fell seriously ill, and I nearly lost him.  The vet treated him with IVs daily, and I took him to work with me.  I nursed Zack back to health - and we became very close.  ThatManILove still says Zack loves me more.  And I smile, because I know it's true.
   
7. My big brother died from cancer at age 39, when I was age 29.  I thought I was going to die with him.  I didn't know the Lord, and had no way to deal with my grief.  Looking back, this unresolved grief contributed hugely to my divorce from Elder Son's father.
8. As a single Mom, I would make early morning sales calls with my 5 year old son in tow, then take him to his school.  He loved going to work with Mom, and my customers loved him showing up early at their offices.  I really had no choice - the oilpatch opens early.  He was the coolest little kid, and took no crap from any of those men. He went with me until he was about 10 years old.  Looking back, that helped form the excellent reputation I now enjoy - and also helped mold my son into an excellent people person.
   
9. ThatManILove and I owned a drop-off EBay store franchise, and were developers for the same franchise for 1/3 of Texas.  I thought it was the greatest idea since sliced pie.  Turned out to be the biggest workhorse I’ve ever seen.  We finally called calfrope, closed the store, booking huge losses.  And ThatManILove loves me.
   
10. In that same Ebay business, I learned the internet killed the collectible business. Though once an avid collector, that business put that addiction to rest.  I don’t want my sons to have to divest themselves of my junk.  Except for a few sentimental items, we’re done with collecting a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g that doesn’t have eternal value.
    
11. In another life (before ThatManILove) I had acreage, horses and was involved in rodeo.  I don’t miss the rodeo, but I miss the rodeo people,  having horses and owning land.  I miss those things a lot. Especially the horses.  
    
12.  In the hard winter, I once put a newborn baby goat in my oven to try to save it, and keep it alive.  It died anyway, in my arms.  I still think about that sometimes.  It makes me sad.
    
13.  I was a tomboy growing up.  Not much has changed.  ThatManILove thinks I'm the perfect mix between girly-girl and tomboy, and he likes me just fine.
    
14. I didn’t wear makeup until I was 29 years old.  I just didn’t think I needed it.  That probably contributed to the excellent skin I enjoy today.  My husband still doesn’t think I need it.  Me, on the other hand, ...
    
15. Except for a company car, I’ve driven trucks or SUV’s for the last 25 years.  I’m just not a car person.  So shoot me.
    
16. I was a wild child (though my mom never knew it) when I was younger.  I loved doing stuff for shock value. Brother Scott and I could tell you some tales!
17. Every year, I would be the first one to water ski in our area.  The first weekend in February.  No wet suit.  Scott always thought I was so cool when I did that.  Looking back, I was an idiot.  But it was fun!
18. I broke my nose, laid it flat against my cheek, when I was a teenager.  I did it by doing a full gainer on our trampoline.  Had black eyes for weeks. And I was still cute.
19. First kiss?  7th Grade.  The guy was so short he had to stand on the curb to kiss me. At. The. Bowling. Alley.  I can't believe I just remembered that.  He was and is a really neat guy, though.
20. My best friend all through school was a guy.  We're still friends.  When our Mom died, he and his parents drove all the way to East Texas and stayed with Scott and I all day long.  That meant more to me than anything anyone else did for us.  I will never forget it!

Y'all feel free to do this if you want...all it did for me was spur more blog ideas!  Enjoy...and if you want to dig deeper, knock yourselves out.  If you want this award, POOF!! It is hereby bestowed upon your bloggy butt.  But you'll have to go snag the "actual" award from Vodka Mom, okay?

And you, Vodka Mom?  You're a heifer.  Have fun this weekend in the NY and get your childrens' books published!  We are praying for you!!

Mark Your Time in Seasons - Football and Hunting, That Is!

Jet and Trap, heading out to their trialing field.

Trap the German Shorthair starting out his hunting. Hunt 'em up, boy! Doesn't he look happy?!

Trap, retrieving his first bird of the trial. He knows what he's doing, and he loves it!

This is Jet and Trap, immediately after their first run. I don't know who's more excited!

This past weekend at the field trial, I met a young couple named Jet and Stephanie. Actually, I met Jet a couple of months ago, at Pet Smart. Zanna the WonderPup and I were at Zanna’s puppy training, and this young man comes up to the window to introduce himself to me. Seems he has a young shorthair named Trap, and he and his wife seemed pretty new to this area. I told him about the field trials, and the Llano Estacado Bird Hunting Association, and he told me he was interested in getting involved and meeting other hunters. Jet is a football coach, so he told me his time would be limited until after football season was over.

This weekend was Jet’s first field trial with Trap. Though I attended, I didn’t hunt - just trying to get 100% well after my bout with the respiratory junk. Another young man ran Zack for me.

Jet comes up to greet me, and I went over to meet his wife, Stephanie. She’s a sweetheart, and is a teacher in our local school system. We visited for a while, and while talking, I asked her how long they had been in town. Her response?

“Two football seasons.”

I cracked up, thinking “Uh-oh. I’ve got to introduce her to shooting. Once Jet gets addicted to hunting/field trials, Stephanie will have two seasons by which to mark her time. she might as well be involved in one of them.” She laughed, as well.

We visited for a while, then I went on to take care of some business. It was almost time for Trap’s run, and Jet comes up to me again. He asks me to take pictures during his run.

I just could not turn him down. How many people get to document their first run?

Jet and Trap did well, and as I predicted, Jet got adrenalined up - he now loves field trialing. And so does Trap the German Shorthair! Here are some of the shots, for your enjoyment. I know you love good hunting pictures. (I’ll convert all of you yet!) Oh, yeah - and now, Stephanie’s ready to start shooting!

Holy Crapola, Wonderdog!

I came home from work today, hauling in tons of clothes from the cleaners.  I opened the door, and out bounded Zack the Wonder Dog.  He was wayyyyy too happy to see me, and I knew it.  He was trying to tell me something.

As I crossed the threshold of my front door, I figured out why.

Zack had accidents.  And yes, I mean accidents, in the plural.  Of the poopy, runny kind.

Have I told y’all that our house is 100% tiled, and there is a reason for it?  Well, it’s the dogs.  Not because of accidents, but because it’s easier to clean up the hair they shed and the mud they track in.  Zack has had one prior accident in this house, and by no means was it accidental.  He was getting back at me for putting a dog kennel in my truck and leaving without him in it.  Zack somehow knew I was going to pick up another puppy, and paid us back in spades. Today, this wasn’t the case - it seems he had an upset stomach.

My dog is a cultured dog, however.  Then, and now, he picked his places to poop.  And, again, yes, I mean places.

We have a huge brown and white sculptured zebra rug under our dining room table.  it is beautiful.  Zack must have had a desire to keep within the color scheme, if you know what I mean.

ThatManILove called me and told me he was heading home.  I started cleaning more furiously, hoping against hope to have it all done within the hour.  As I clean, I find more and more poop.

For the last hour, I have been crawling around with the Oxy-Clean and wet rags and cleaning up poop stains from my rug.  I’ve had to use an old toothbrush to get some of it up.  And to top that, ThatManILove just came in from the field after a 36 hour day with no sleep, and he’s running the FloorMate (Oh, let me count the ways I love him?  He won’t let me do that, he thinks he’s the FloorMate King.)

All the while, Zack...sleeps.  Snoring and snuffling.  On the big sectional couch. You see, all is well in his world. He has his masters attending to his every desire.

A dog’s life is as it should be.  Lord help me quick, where’s the Febreze?

Trouble At The Movies - or, How To Really Get His Goat

I know, I know. I screwed up my template by playing with the free Blogger templates. Bear with me, this one is hard to read. I couldn't go back to the original, it lost format and made me crazy. And yeah, it wasn't a far walk.

On to our regularly scheduled program.

ThatManILove is a movie aficianado. So much so, that while he was exiled on the mountain in Pennyslvania, I went to one movie - the Chihuahua movie - and I took the Little Brother. I was bound and determined to save all my movie dates for ThatManILove.

Last night, we decided to take Little Brother to see Mall Cop, and go for the 7:10 p.m. showing. We bought the tickets online early in the afternoon. I decided to take a long bubbly soak in the jacuzzi tub and read a Dixie Cash novel. ThatManILove comes in and gives me a time check, letting me know I have an hour. I get out and get ready. We leave the house at 6:35 p.m.

Such is the setting for the next conversation.

TMIL: Jane. Are you ready? (Remember, he calls me “Jane” when he’s mad?)

Janie: Yes.

TMIL: It’s Saturday night and it’s going to be crowded.

Janie: No, it’s not.

Little Brother: What’s wrong?

Janie: TMIL’s pissed at me because I took so long to get ready and we’re going to be at the theatre right when the movie starts. (Aside to TMIL) The movie’s been out for a while, it won’t be crowded. We’ll get there and get a seat just in time to watch 20 minutes of dancing boxes.

TMIL: See, that’s your thinking. I guess we’re going to be doomed to have this conflict every time we go to the damn show. You always make us be late because you hate the dancing boxes. I think you do it on purpose.

Little Brother: What are the dancing boxes?

TMIL: That’s what Jane calls the previews and advertisements.

We get to the movie, and fight the traffic to find a place to park. People are standing outside, in a line that lasts for.ev.er. And the concessions? Packed to the max. There’s a recession going on, people? What are you doing here? What am I doing here? Oh, Lordy. I am so going to be in trouble. I start to cringe, inside. That man loves his movie popcorn, it's part of the whole experience for him, and it looks like we might have to forgo such. We go straight to the ticket taker, passing up two lines of people that are there for another show. He waves us in, and we go into our theatre.

Said theatre is so freakin’ crowded that we can only find two seats together. And of course, the seats are in the middle of the row, so that means no popcorn for ThatManILove. I mean, two empty seats together in the whole theatre. The advertisements haven’t even started! Little Brother jets us for a single seat down front, saying he likes to sit there. He’s probably just running from our eternal conflict concerning the movies. I’ve told y’all all along he’s a smart kiddo!

We sit down. I glance to my left to check out how ThatManILove is breathing. At the same time, he’s checking me out. I tentatively smile. He doesn’t. And then, he does. He is so jacking with me, and grabs my hand.

We laugh our butts off at the movie. It’s really funny, but to make it even better, the 5 year old little girl sitting to ThatManILove’s right is laughing so hard she’s crying. And ThatManILove got tickled at her laughing, which made me laugh harder.

It’s never boring around here!

Little Brother, Advocate For the Elderly

Little Brother when he first wakes up...how do guys do this?  He's so cute. And yes, that's his sock in the background.  Looks like he slept on the couch last night.

Little Brother (LB) called Friday night and begged to come stay the weekend.  (He always gets his timing just right!)  I picked him up at Whataburger, where he had just finished a double Whopper with bacon and cheese.  It's so good to see him! We then went to meet friends at the new Chinese/Japanese/Thai restaurant, Ginza.  

There, LB ate Sesame Chicken.  While we were there, we also picked up an entree for ThatManILove, who was stuck out in the field and hit the house around 10 p.m.  Whereby, LB sat down at the table with ThatManILove and finished off his take home box of sesame chicken.  The kid is a bottomless pit, I swear.  He cracks me up.  And he's tall and skinny...I don't know where all this food goes??

After the field trial yesterday, we stopped by  my brother Scott’s Auction House in Big Spring to see what he would be selling at his auction on Sunday.  An auction house is full of adventure for a 12 year old, just saying.  LB met all of Scott’s helpers, two of whom are disabled and are on electric scooters due to their ailments.

LB poked around, asked questions, and generally entertained himself for an hour just by snooping.  We were about to leave, and LB discovered a couple of electric scooters.  One wasn’t charged - but one was in full operating order.  LB ran to Scott, and asked permission to ride it, which Scott gave, grinning.  Everybody loves LB.

LB carefully rode around for a while, then  came back to where we were all congregated, and starts talking to Scott’s helpers again.  While doing so, LB backed the scooter professionally into its original parking space.  Everybody’s watching, and enjoying him.

LB turns off the scooter, and stands up, grinning like a cheshire cat, and says loudly, “Wow.  Now I know how elderly people have fun.”

He really means it.