Saturday, January 31, 2009

You Gots Male - Buy Now

Do you get spam on your e-mail accounts? We utilize Yahoo, and Lord have mercy. You'd think that Yahoo would have some way of stopping this stuff. By the way, we do not go to porn sites, or visit any sites like are in any way related.  These are some of the subject titles of the spam e-mail we’ve been getting lately. We do not open, just hit delete, but the titles always inspire some smart-alec response (who'da thunk it?) from me. And ThatManILove thinks I'm funny. Who knows? Maybe you will, too.

Have you changed your number? (No. But I’m not giving it to you!)
Posh up and look better!
(What – you don’t think I’m posh enough?)
Answer you phone when I ring!
(Only if I ken larn you some Ang-lish!)
She moaned when I saw how large I was. (When I look at myself in the mirror, I moan, too.)
Lowered prices for prestigious items. (Well, heck. We’re in a recession – prices should be lower.)
We need your presence.
(Dude. Sometimes I need my presence as well.)
Perfectly Crafted Accessories. (Care to elaborate?)
Can’t find you, darling.
(I don’t hang out in my virtual mailbox, stupid!)
Don’t disappear now!
(I wish I could.)
Unwind your massive python.
(We only have rattlesnakes in West Texas. And bull snakes. And I’m not unwinding either of them. You probably shouldn't, either.)
I lost your cell phone number. (That’s probably a good thing.)
Endorsed by men’s magazines. (Seriously? Which ones?)
Give her a mind blowing climax. (Ummmm….I don’t swing that way.)
Small tool is for peeing, big tool is for more serious things.
(What were they thinking? Home Depot?)
Why did you leave me?
(Because you couldn’t keep your mind out of the gutter?)
This mail is refused message. (Then why did you send it to me again?)
So huge I thought it was a python.
(But you were looking in the 7X mirror at the carnival, right?)
We seek for you all the day. (Get some better glasses is all I have to say.)
You probably gave wrong number. (After all this, wouldn’t you?)
Deeper harder thicker. ( Yeah. You are talking about granite countertops, right?)
I need you urgently.
(Gonna have to wait in line, homie.)
Don’t go home now. (I have to go home – ThatManILove wants to take me to dinner!)
Can’t you answer when I call? (Not really. Besides, you told me you lost my cell number, remember?)
Make yourself. (Make me! (Oh, wait. That’s not what I meant.))
Growth is so simple with this.
(Like I need any freakin’ help in the growth department.)

Arrrgh. These people really need to get a life. Or Yahoo needs to get a better spam filter.


Comedy Goddess said...

Spammers be damned. I hope they have their own room in hell. Spamming each other for all eternity.

Janie said...

Now, that's funny, Comedy Goddess!

tardevil said...

They're funny. All I can say is thank God, we have spamblocker. Comedy Goddess is funny. To answer your ? over at my blog, I do like the sliding doors on the curio...the 1st time I've ever had those. I'm a clutz, so it makes me somehow feel safer when I open it & put things in it.

Michelle said...


Great stuff!!! I get lots of spam on my gmail account!!! DELETE, DELETE, DELETE!!!

Now if i got a cool email from you dear Janie, i would read it and save if forever!!!


Jackie said...

LOTZ OF XCUSES for not visiting. Whoever said retirement was a life of leisure? I've never been so busy in all my life! It seems to come in waves. Anyway, girl, thanks for your visit to my blog! SPAM?? I've swamped with it. Your post is very creative, using the spam subjects!! But what more would a person expect from such a creative person as yourself?
I need to e-mail you for infor about a mutual 'friend'. I'll try to get that done sometime this weekend. Have a baby shower all afternoon, a commitment all day tomorrow for the Historical commission and having company in the midst of it all. Through whining!! Later, Janie...Have a good weekend.

SSP said...

hey now, I was sending you some of those....I gotcher massive python RIY-CHERE, baby!! :-) always , and so true!!

Travis Erwin said...

But at least you spun the spam into good comedy. I actually prefer my spam fried and served with taters.

Far Side of Fifty said...

My main email has a filter by Red Condor..they snare about 250 spam emails a day. I don't know how they get my address either.. I get lots of Rolex watch ones, prescription drugs and women wanting to date my husband..the brazen hussies. Great post today, I enjoyed it! :)

Tiffany said...

I get the "married online dating" spam. WTF Yahoo??

Jenni Jiggety said...

I use AOL (yes, I know it isn't 1998), and their filters are not much better.

Anonymous said...

Fantastic post! lol

Sabrae Carter said...

Gotta love that spam mail from Yahoo! I think I've won every national lottery known to man and also have been nominated to be someones beneficiary and had some old women and men dying emailing me! lol It's great!

Belle said...

Waddya mean? You haven't had your penis enlarged yet?

Julie said...

Spam annoys the crap out of me. Forunately, Gmail has a pretty damn good spam filter. So far, I've had no offers to enlarge anything.

Mental P Mama said...


nikkicrumpet said...

If all of those "enhancers" really worked....there would be a whole heck-of-a-lot of men walking around with "pythons" lol. You get way funnier spam than I do. And it makes for a great blog post!

Femin Susan said...

Wonderful post! may god bless you !

The Other Janie said...

I keep getting an email from a Micheal Vincent and the subject is "I found you a new job". I keep emailing him and asking where.....but he keeps ignoring me. I've figure it out. The job he's found me is to keep emailing him so he knows someone is listening. Ugh......

thisisme said...

My yahoo spam filter is appalling too - although the ones I'm getting in my gmail crack me up - everyone seems to be losing me at the mall. They aren't looking that hard

Gretchen said...

I get those all the time! With a name like Gretchen that literally means "Little Pearl" why on earth would I need to enhance my "male parts"? I'm a girl!;

Vodka Mom said...

now wait, who's so damn large?? What's his number????