Eulogy for a Crepe Myrtle

According to an insurance article I read this morning, 23% of most accidents happen within 1 mile of the house.

After this week, I can attest to that. Maybe within 50’ of the house.

MLH and I went to Outback for supper. He had 2 glasses of wine, I had ice tea. MLH very rarely drinks, but on the rare occasion that he does, I am ALWAYS the designated driver. No question. This is a set agreement we have between us, and we always honor it.

We left the restaurant. We are one block from home.

MLH: I can’t believe you let me drive.
Janie: What do you mean? You didn’t drink anything.
MLH: Yes I did. I had two glasses of wine, and I didn’t even think about getting behind the wheel.
Janie: Man, I must be tired. I’m sorry. That’s not good, at all.
MLH: I didn’t even think about it, Janie. I’m sorry, too.
MLH: We’re turning on to our street now, we just have 5 houses to go.
Janie: Okay.

We pull up to our house.

Janie: Hey, do you mind turning around my truck so it will face the other way, in case it’s icy in the morning? I want to limit walking in the street if it’s slick.
MLH: Sure, hon.

At which point, he whips into the neighbor’s circular drive to better enable him to park the truck right in front of our house.

I look up, and scream “Don’t turn yet!” just as he cuts across the circular drive, right onto the top of the neighbor’s crepe myrtle bush. I swear, between my 4wd Yukon XL and the sounds of an icy tree biting the big one, it felt like we’d run over a cinder block fence.

Yesterday morning, I left at 6:30am, so it was still dark out. I ran home around 11 a.m. to clean out my truck to get ready to pick up customers for lunch. I surveyed, in the daylight, the damage we’d inflicted to the bush during the night.

The tree/shrub/bush…is dead. Waaaaay dead. I don’t even think it would live if we cut it back. And MLH had to confess to our neighbor, a local fireman/EMT. The stuff this poor guy has to put up with to be our neighbor, I swear. He’s really a super nice guy, and a great neighbor. He actually thought it was funny. Neither MLH or I do. We are sufficiently humbled. What were we thinking? It's obvious we weren't.

Anyway, I guess we fell within the parameter of the statistics. We were very lucky that’s all that happened. And a lesson was reinforced. No matter how tired your designated driver is, she’s way better than any driver who’s had a glass of wine. Or just get a freaking taxi. Thank God that’s all that happened.

Anyone know of a sale on crepe myrtles?