FlyClear - Get Through Those Security Lines Quick!

When you’re at Denver International, you’d best have all your little duckies in a row and get there plenty of time before boarding. Walking through security there is like walking through a maze.

Did you know that you can Fly Clear? Clear has come to major airports -and you can fly through airport security! For a small annual fee, you can sign up, skip the lines, and get in and out of security in a flash. Last October, I signed up for this service. They do a background check, make sure all your little duckies are in a row, and you're in. I came home, and a couple of days later, I had my Clear security card waiting for me in my mailbox.

I flashed it at ThatManILove. Here’s how it went from there…

TMIL: What did you have to give up to get that?
Janie: What do you mean?
TMIL: Fingerprints? What?
Janie: Oh…ummm…fingerprints. And…umm…pictures of my irises. (His eyebrows go up past his hairline - and that's a ways!) And...ummm... copies of my passport and drivers license. (No. Hell, no. I didn't even tell him I paid for the privilege of giving that stuff away.)
TMIL: Girl. You’re in the system now. Did they put a microchip in your forehead?
Janie: No. God. I didn't even think about that. Shut it, please.

Visions of the end days and "666" flashed before my eyes. How could I have been so stupid?

Months pass.

We go to Denver. ThatManILove grabs a brochure for Clear and reads it. Decides to sign up and get hizownbadself “in the system”. When we go to the airport for our return flight, we get there 3 hours early just to sign up.

Here he is going through “the drill.”

We’re almost through when I pull the plug.

Janie: Just one more thing, honey. They've done your iris pictures, taken good shots of your fingerprints. Now. See this copier? They need an image of your bare butt.
TMIL: What?

I was teasing about that part. But not about the Clear Card. For the record…it took me 7 minutes to get through Denver security with my Clear Card. It took ThatManILove 18 minutes without his.

You go through the Clear line, put your card into the machine, an attendant double checks your i.d. and the card. Then, the uniformed attendant helps you unpack your laptops, etc., puts them in bins, and carries them for you - oh, yes, he does - up to the x-ray machine. All you have to do is follow the attendant. And, yes, if you happen to be wondering what happens next, the attendant politely steps in front of the line, secures a place for you, at the front of the line, making you first in a line of a million people, right at the entrance to the x-ray machine, puts your items on the roller, and steps back, after bidding you a good day.

Nobody gripes that you just major line-jumped, or anything. It almost makes you feel guilty.

Naaaaaaah. It doesn't. Pampered, yes. Guilty, no. And the whole time, ThatManILove is watching, and shaking his head in disbelief. And if ThatManILove wasn't a believer, he by golly is now.

Resveratrol Ultra and Demapril - Ask Carla!

Okay.

I fall for it. You know, the wrinkles ad. The one on the sidebar of Facebook that says “Lose 20 years of Wrinkles”. And I have to click.

You know, if you’ve used Facebook, you’ve seen it. It's on the right sidebar of your screen.
Go ahead. Click on it. You too can “Learn the secret of a mom who combined two products to eliminate her wrinkles for good.”

I check it wherever I am. And I’ve proved it. If I’m at home, the “mom” is named Carla. And she’s from Odessa. Sometimes, she’s from Midland. But she's always named Carla. She has a Dual State residency problem, obviously. BUT she always has 2 kids, is in a great marriage and considers herself a happy person. Oh, yeah. And she’s always 45. I guess that’s the acceptable age to see wrinkles and be sick of them.

If I’m in Denver or Dallas? The “mom” has a different name. But she’s in the same great marriage as Carla, and has the same kids, and is ALSO 45. I bet they have the same husbands, too. Because both of these ladies, amazingly, have a friend (probably married to the same guy!) named Becky that talked them out of plastic surgery and told them to use Resveratrol Ultra and Demapril.

Becky shore gets around. Makes me wonder why she’s not calling me and giving me free samples of this stuff. Carla says: “I was surprised by the results after the first 3 days – but once a week had passed I was totally blown away… I knew I was on to something special.”

I think I am on to something special, too...like a scam -but at least I know how to spell "Barbara Walters", who is listed alongside their ad, presumably to give credence to their product. (They spell it "Barbera Walters". Makes me feel really secure about getting their "free" product.)

This could be a good product and I could be missing out on a wrinkle-free face with my own before and after pictures. Y’all try it and let me know. Okay? (God. I hope it works.)

Vacation? or Brain Wave?

I've been reading your blogs all weekend. And I started reading again this morning. And then I realized that I'd not posted all weekend.

Duh. So, will this suffice? (Webster would probably roll over in his grave reading "duh" and "suffice" in the same line)

I'll catch up later. Promise!

I'm Going Green - The New Stimulus Plan

The air is dry in Midland. Humidity? Zero, people.

It is even more dry in Denver, a fact to which my hair can attest. I got off that plane, we secured the rental car, and ThatManILove dropped me off at my meeting. My hair had so much static electricity in it, I could have electrified 1/2 of Denver.

I went and dropped over $80 at Ulta for hair products. Until I implemented the use of said products, my hair looked like this. Okay, I’m lying. My hair didn’t even look this good. It was either SCREAMING or stuck flat to my head in no style ever seen by man, woman, or child.

Wonder if I'll qualify for a new "Going Green" grant from Obama?

I Got My Rock Moves

I’ve been gritching about how busy I’ve been this week in the Metroplex. ThatManILove and I have virtually gone from one event to another, with no down time inbetween. So, I thought I’d show you a picture of our hotel room. Heavy on the "our". It takes a-two to tango like-a dees, compadres.

Two days ago, it was spotless. Heck. One day ago it was spotless! As our schedule graduated exponentially, so did the level of trashing this room. I woke up this morning at 6:30 a.m. after going to sleep around 1:00 a.m., and this is what I saw.

Don’t be hatin’ until you walk with us. We’re usually decently clean people, I really like to have everything picked up and in it’s place before I lay my head down upon the pillow. But this weekend? We might as well be rock stars. The saving graces are that all the linens are intact, the mirrors remain unbroken, and we’ll be packing up within the hour.

And all will be well.