Yup, it’s Mother’s Day this Sunday. For some goofy reason, I was looking at ideas for Mother’s Day, and I realized that I. Must. Be. Weird. Already knew that, didn’t you? I belong in one of those State Farm red dot commercials: Janie is Weird. I am so there.
Here are some of the ideas I gleaned from the Internet, and my thoughtful response to each:
A Gift Certificate for a Day at the Spa. (Janie: I’d rather have a Gift Certificate to a Hunting Lodge for MLH and myself, comfy beds, guns, shells and gourmet cooking provided.)
A Beautiful Vase of Flowers (Janie: I think that a beautiful day cruising the wildflowers with the boys and MLH in the Hill Country of Texas would be way better, no cutting allowed.)
A Memory Maker Photo Bracelet (Janie: Making photo memories of my own, taking hunting pictures of our friends and their beautiful dogs, my sons, their friends, and of course, our Littles.)
A Picture Purse (Janie: Are you kidding me? A Picture Purse? Man. If it’s gotta be a purse, make it a Dooney. Or a Coach. Even a fake one is better than a Picture Purse. Puhleese.)
Gift Certificate to a Meal Preparation Place (Janie: Guys, just go by Super Suppers (I love that place!) and pick it up, I’ll put it in the oven. You know it’s gonna be great!)
Take her to the beauty salon. (Janie: You are killin’ me! Am I not gorgeous enough for you? You take me to the beauty salon after all the money I spend there already, I’ll fall into deep dark depression. Highlights, manicures, facial waxing, facials, yadda, yadda, yadda…it seems I am there all the time! I work the heck out of my schedule to make my own appointments, and yours, thank you very much!)
Gift Certificate for a Massage (Janie: I don’t even KNOW these people! I’ll pick my own masseuse, thank you very much…after I lose about 150 lbs.)
Gift Certificate to the Mall. (Janie: Ummmm, how about Cabela's? or Bass Pro?? She Safari has cool clothes! Even the Ugly Dog Hunting Catalog beats the mall! Besides, if you’re a regular reader of this blog, you’ll know I haven’t experienced really good luck at malls lately.)
How about getting her that new car she’s been eyeing? She hauls the kids around all day, runs your errands, blah, blah, blah. (Janie: Yeah! Now we’re talking! That’s it! The 2008 GMC AWD Denali, with the cool dog trailer hooked on the back. Suhweet. Only about $70 grand. I want the black one! I’ll run ALL your errands. I’ll even haul somebody else’s kids, or dogs, or whatever. No problem!)
A Diamond Necklace. Diamonds are Forever. Diamonds say “I love you!” (Janie: Ummm. Could I possibly have that new Beretta DT10 Trident L Sporting Gun? Silver engraved receivers say “I love you!”, too! Especially at Eight Thousand Nine Hundred and Twenty Five cool ones.)
A Card or Note, Saying How Much You Love Her. (Janie: I am so there. I love that stuff. Really.)
Happy Mother’s Day, Moms, everywhere. You simply rock. Be blessed this weekend.