Tuesday, June 9, 2009

The Answer IS Blowing in the Wind - aka the Real Traveling Pants Story

Going down the dirt road to take Little Brother Camp Eagle last week, we crossed a low water bridge. The river was flowing across the bridge – not enough to be dangerous, but slowly. It was so beautiful.

En route back, Dulce (Little Brother’s real little brother!) was entranced with the beautiful scenery. When we got to the bridge, I asked ThatManILove to stop so that Dulce might dangle his feet in the river, which was very shallow. (Dulce had never seen a river!) I slipped off my shoes, and started out of my truck to go to his door. I had made it almost to the front right corner of my truck when ThatManILove called out.

Jane! (He only calls me that when he’s exasperated…mad…worried…or done!) Jane! That’s moss, and it’s going to be slicker than…noooooooooo! JANE!  JANE!  ARE YOU OKAY???

Oh, yeah, baby. You guessed it. I fell. Face first. My feet slipped out backwards, causing me to do a belly flop onto the bridge. Right into the running water. I wasn’t hurt (a miracle) and I hopped right up (another miracle!) and didn’t fall again (yes, God is with me!), though I should have, I was laughing so hard.

ThatManILove wasn’t so happy – he was concerned, and griping, and worried.

Janie, when I could talk: Oh, TMIL, I’m okay, please don't yell at me. (I am SOAKED.) (And of all days to wear solid white – shirt – capris – the only thing colored I had on was a pink tank top and the CUTEST pink sandals. But I digress.)

TMIL : It’s going to be just as slick on this side! (He's on the driver's side.) Please be careful, I don't think you should do this, just get back in the truck.

Janie: Just throw me my shoes, that will help. Dulce, get out of the truck, and stand right here.

ThatManILove gives me my sandals. I drop them into the water, and start stepping into them. I slip again, and only have one sandal on. I don’t fall, but now…where did that other sandal go? Dang.

Dulce’s Mom: Here it is, I’ll try to get it before it goes completely off the bridge. (She’s on the passenger side of the truck.)

TMIL : Y’all be careful! This is STUPID!!!

Dulce’s Mom snags the sandal, and gives it to TMIL in the truck, who passes it to me for the second time, with a disgusted look on his face.  He is not a happy camper.

Dulce: My book! My book! I dropped my book into the river! (He starts crying.  Yup.  Now I've got a crying 9 year old and a griping husband.)

I finally get both my shoes on, and try to rescue the paperback book. I find it (it’s been swept to the other side of the truck and is hanging by only a cement block), but it is soaked. Thoroughly wet, beyond redemption. I get there just as the current catches it and carries it into the river. I can only pray that it’s biodegradable paper.

TMIL: Jane. JANE! Get. In. The. Truck. You’re going to hurt yourself. And I couldn’t even begin to tell the EMT’s where we are. (He’s so positive.)

I get in the truck, and survey the damage to my body. Thankfully, there is none. My clothes? Another matter altogether.

My white capris are green from the knee down, though it is a cool yukky green brown mossy color. (Cabelas would love to patent this camo pattern, I promise!) My white tunic shirt has an ugly mudstain on it, you know, one of those talking stains you see on the Tide commercials. And everything I’m wearing is now see through. I think my sandals (sweet Birkies!) are history.

TMIL: Ooh, Baby. I’m liking the wet t-shirt look.
Janie: Ssssshhhhh! (I am still laughing, hard.)

I am soaked. Seriously soaked. And then, I have this idea. What if I dry my shirt, while we’re going down the road, by hanging it out the sunroof? We’re going 80, it’s 88 degrees – by my calculations, mud and all will be dry within 2 minutes.

So I strip it off. (Remember, I’m wearing a pink tank top underneath!) I hang it out the sunroof. ThatManILove is shaking his head, but it quickly dries. I’m sure the cars we meet are wondering what the hell, but…what the hell? The terrain gets hilly, so now, as I see a car coming, I’ll pull the shirt back in…and when we pass it, out it goes again. (I was thinking – what if I meet a highway patrol? He’ll stop me out of pure curiousity, and what if I’m missing THE garment?) I pull the tunic shirt back in, and put it on. Then, out goes the tank top. It’s dry in a heartbeat. And then, the big decision.

The turning point? When TMIL asks where we’re going to eat in the next town. No WAY can I go in with see-through capris! The capris come off and out the sunroof they go. I’m only hoping Homeland Security isn’t flying over the Hill Country at the same time…I can hear them now

“Homeland Security 1 to Control: Unidentified humongous flying object – looks like...no, it can't be!  Yup, maybe... a pair of gargantuan white capris flying over a Toyota Sequoia. Object is exhibiting weird symptoms – when the Toyota meets a car, the object retracts back into the vehicle, only to come out a second later. Must be some type of alien morse code. We're going in closer to investigate. Will report findings.”

Oh, yeah, baby. Remember one thing – it’s never boring around here!


Pam said...

Oh my friend, you have THE most amazing adventures. The visual of you getting out of said capris to put them out of the sunroof is one that will carry me through the day. Have a good trip and I'll see you Saturday in Tulsie town.

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

True story.

Oh, yeah. Go all the way with the imagination on the visuals, I did all that and more.

See ya Saturday, mother of the groom!! love ya!

Christine Gram said...

You are too funny. Great story! You really told it well.

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

Just the facts, ma'am, just the facts!

♥ Braja said...

Oh boy I'd lOVE to have seen all that lol....good one Janie!!

Oh, and the highway patrol? They woulda only been interested if you'd hung your panties out the window, girl :)))

Paige Lacey said...

I was waiting for the bra to hang out the sunroof next. ;o)

You know, that was incredibly eco-friendly. Well, minus the gas. But you were multi-tasking which is always a good idea.

You're so smart!

Megryansmom said...

Sorry didn't mean to laugh, but the visual was so vivid. Have a great day!

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

Braja - ummm....panties? Who wears those? Just teasing!

Paige - I could change the above sentence and insert "bra" but I won't.;)

Megryansmom - It's okay, I'm STILL laughing!

Belle said...

Sounds like you were lucky Janie Girl. I'm glad you didn't get hurt. As for the see-through Capri's. I think they might have enjoyed that!

Joanie M said...

No pictures to go with that great story? Dang!

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

Belle - I was very lucky.

Joanie - no pix, girly. Thanks be to God!

Beki said...

Only you....

Gwynne said...

I'm stuck at the lost Birkis (I love mine)! And the book! Sounds like a Three Stooges skit. ;-)

Bleu said...

How to dry books ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pO9G-JvyN_4
and Don't Dry Fancy Pants ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3krVOCC7xco

Stu Pidasso said...

Hellooooooooooo Janie. I assure you I am not trying to be a blogsnob. I would love to meet up with you and TMIL for a margarita or other and/or to do some shooting (this being redneck country they go hand in hand in some circles). I do have my own guns, so a loaner won't be required. Timing is all wrong right now and I'll explain that one a little later (in a post I am working on for a few days now). You will understand if you catch it. Can I take a rian check on that though???

Cheers, Shroomy Stu

patti hefley said...

Oh Lordy girl - only YOU!!! Glad you made it home safe!

Stu Pidasso said...

And going commando in brand new river camo.....who'd a thunk it.

YTou guys do take full advantage of being in beautiful Texas.

I happened to make the trek to Houston and back this past weekend and other than a river dare (it had to be a dare right?!?!) it was as gorgeous as you have described. I could drive across this state for a living if someone would pay me to do so.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Sounds like fun. See through clothing is always good.

Michelle said...


They are the bane of existence in the blog world!!!

Your funny girlie!!

midlife slices said...

I thought only I could/would do something like that. LOL I slipped in the mud while hiking to Secret Falls in Kauai and everyone got a huge laugh, including myself. I think HBL has a pic of me "bathing" in the river afterwards. Not a pretty sight!

mesquite_books said...

I hope someone in Hollywood catches this blog--definitely movie material! Thanks for the belly laugh. Can't wait to share it with my own TMIL.
Mary Ann

Ann's Rants said...

Great post...gargantuan capris and ESPECIALLY

that pants in the wind dude.


(Glad you are okay)

Pearl said...

That's going to keep me smiling for a while!

abby jenkins said...

You are very funny, I am glad I found your blog..., serendipitously I bought the Traveling Pants DVD at the Thrift Shop today ($ bucks!) but am sure it will pale to your great tale. Thanks!

Comedy Goddess said...

Love it!

And actually a very eco friendly way to wash and dry your clothes.

Anonymous said...

Funny! But so glad you weren't hurt. Moss on rocks can be a real killer sometimes.

The Blue Ridge Gal

Snooty Primadona said...

Sounds like something I could manage to do... except that I'd definitely get hurt, lol.

Glad to hear you didn't hurt yourself.

Fragrant Liar said...

I knew you were a girl after my own heart! I am just envisioning those pants blowing in the wind OUT OF YOUR HANDS! I lost a shirt like that before. Then you'd really have some 'splaining to do!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

What a great story! I just love it when you can laugh thru a crisis!

Anonymous said...

It reminds me of the day Joe and I were walking in the woods WAY out in no-man's land, following my daughter and her husband. It had been raining. The ground was muddy and I saw the neatest piece of plastic, laying out flat and square. I thought "I'll step THEREEEEEEEEE" As I feel down a huge post hole. One leg was stuck IN, the other leg was out at an odd angle, my face hit the mud and my mouth had grabbed a hunk of it. And all this time I'm wondering HOW the ambulance is going to find us and I'm too heavy to carry out. AND I'd been carrying my new camera. We never found it.

Beth said...

Wow! Your story almost makes me want to go flop into a big mud puddle our next traveling adventure.

SSP said...

BWAHAHAHAAAAAA i love me some hill country!!! hilarious!!!