En route back, Dulce (Little Brother’s real little brother!) was entranced with the beautiful scenery. When we got to the bridge, I asked ThatManILove to stop so that Dulce might dangle his feet in the river, which was very shallow. (Dulce had never seen a river!) I slipped off my shoes, and started out of my truck to go to his door. I had made it almost to the front right corner of my truck when ThatManILove called out.
Jane! (He only calls me that when he’s exasperated…mad…worried…or done!) Jane! That’s moss, and it’s going to be slicker than…noooooooooo! JANE! JANE! ARE YOU OKAY???
Oh, yeah, baby. You guessed it. I fell. Face first. My feet slipped out backwards, causing me to do a belly flop onto the bridge. Right into the running water. I wasn’t hurt (a miracle) and I hopped right up (another miracle!) and didn’t fall again (yes, God is with me!), though I should have, I was laughing so hard.ThatManILove wasn’t so happy – he was concerned, and griping, and worried.
Janie, when I could talk: Oh, TMIL, I’m okay, please don't yell at me. (I am SOAKED.) (And of all days to wear solid white – shirt – capris – the only thing colored I had on was a pink tank top and the CUTEST pink sandals. But I digress.)
TMIL : It’s going to be just as slick on this side! (He's on the driver's side.) Please be careful, I don't think you should do this, just get back in the truck.
Janie: Just throw me my shoes, that will help. Dulce, get out of the truck, and stand right here.
Dulce’s Mom: Here it is, I’ll try to get it before it goes completely off the bridge. (She’s on the passenger side of the truck.)
TMIL : Y’all be careful! This is STUPID!!!
Dulce’s Mom snags the sandal, and gives it to TMIL in the truck, who passes it to me for the second time, with a disgusted look on his face. He is not a happy camper.
Dulce: My book! My book! I dropped my book into the river! (He starts crying. Yup. Now I've got a crying 9 year old and a griping husband.)
I finally get both my shoes on, and try to rescue the paperback book. I find it (it’s been swept to the other side of the truck and is hanging by only a cement block), but it is soaked. Thoroughly wet, beyond redemption. I get there just as the current catches it and carries it into the river. I can only pray that it’s biodegradable paper.
TMIL: Jane. JANE! Get. In. The. Truck. You’re going to hurt yourself. And I couldn’t even begin to tell the EMT’s where we are. (He’s so positive.)
I get in the truck, and survey the damage to my body. Thankfully, there is none. My clothes? Another matter altogether.
My white capris are green from the knee down, though it is a cool yukky green brown mossy color. (Cabelas would love to patent this camo pattern, I promise!) My white tunic shirt has an ugly mudstain on it, you know, one of those talking stains you see on the Tide commercials. And everything I’m wearing is now see through. I think my sandals (sweet Birkies!) are history.
TMIL: Ooh, Baby. I’m liking the wet t-shirt look.
Janie: Ssssshhhhh! (I am still laughing, hard.)
I am soaked. Seriously soaked. And then, I have this idea. What if I dry my shirt, while we’re going down the road, by hanging it out the sunroof? We’re going 80, it’s 88 degrees – by my calculations, mud and all will be dry within 2 minutes.
So I strip it off. (Remember, I’m wearing a pink tank top underneath!) I hang it out the sunroof. ThatManILove is shaking his head, but it quickly dries. I’m sure the cars we meet are wondering what the hell, but…what the hell? The terrain gets hilly, so now, as I see a car coming, I’ll pull the shirt back in…and when we pass it, out it goes again. (I was thinking – what if I meet a highway patrol? He’ll stop me out of pure curiousity, and what if I’m missing THE garment?) I pull the tunic shirt back in, and put it on. Then, out goes the tank top. It’s dry in a heartbeat. And then, the big decision.
The turning point? When TMIL asks where we’re going to eat in the next town. No WAY can I go in with see-through capris! The capris come off and out the sunroof they go. I’m only hoping Homeland Security isn’t flying over the Hill Country at the same time…I can hear them now
“Homeland Security 1 to Control: Unidentified humongous flying object – looks like...no, it can't be! Yup, maybe... a pair of gargantuan white capris flying over a Toyota Sequoia. Object is exhibiting weird symptoms – when the Toyota meets a car, the object retracts back into the vehicle, only to come out a second later. Must be some type of alien morse code. We're going in closer to investigate. Will report findings.”